Pineapples on Aisle 4

The best excuse I’ve heard lately wasn’t really an excuse so much as an explanation that absolutely nobody asked for. As it turns out, all roads eventually lead to a pineapple. Which is not a sentence I expected to write today. To be fair, I also wasn’t expecting to spend last Saturday at Costco. I try to avoid Costco on Saturdays. Not because I don’t enjoy watching people spend twenty minutes deciding which brand of paper towels will best support their lifestyle choices. I do. It’s just that Costco on a Saturday isn’t a store. It’s a social experiment with bulk packaging. You’ve got people abandoning carts in the middle of aisles to sample a tiny cube of cheese two lanes over, entire families moving in herds at the speed of continental drift, and at least one person standing directly in front of something you need while staring at it like the answer to a life-changing question is hidden somewhere between the 48-count toilet paper and the rotisserie chickens. But I needed trash bags…