Overkill

Dear germs colleagues, I acknowledge receipt of your interminable diatribe letter. As your Supreme Plenipotentiary I am of course conscious of the anxiety that these entirely indispensable exterminations regrettable redundancies may be causing you. I and the rest of the senior management team will do everything in our power to get you to stop whining reassure you so you can get on with your day-to-day duties while you still have any. I mention once again the very supportive workshops we are organising on ‘Strategic Alignment: Building Your Case For Us Sacking Someone Else Instead’ and ‘Your Next Job Could Be In Coding’. I note that you have requested answers to a number of questions. How adorable, the humanities lecturers are going to play at statistics! Please keep in mind that this response is not part of the official consultation process, which is limited to discussions with the union (which is refusing to engage in the spurious grounds that we have refused to provide relevant…