creating my dream life is really freaking hard

It's getting bad again. I'm sleeping longer than I need to, and I feel nothing but apathy and mild irritation when I wake up. That irritation builds over time as I get ready in the morning. I parked too close to the other car, so now I have to squeeze into my driver's seat. I forgot my lunchbox, so I gotta turn around and get it (because I put ar lot of time into meal prepping this week and I'll be damned if it all goes to waste). I disassociate as I drive to work, sitting in hour-long traffic when I live less than 30 minutes away. I eat my microwaved meal-prepped breakfast in my cold, cramped cubicle. Logging into my laptop and glancing at my calendar, my day is full of virtual meetings. I roll my eyes as someone across the hall and 6 doors down coughs for at least 15 seconds. I sit, fingers floating above my keyboard. I swallow hard, choking down the lump that's forming in my throat. My lip quivers as I try to calm myself down. I will NOT crash out within these thin walls. That's…