120. Patterns

The heat broke briefly before closing back over New York City last week. It felt like watching a gift being tendered, in reverse.During the reprieve, it rained, deliciously. The steadiness of it commingled with throaty birdsong, which for many days had been limp and scarce. I remember opening all the windows and standing in the breeze that began to flow through the apartment, north to south, south to north; alive and immense and numinous.Though I’d been dragging through malaise, chronic fatigue, injury (and physical therapy for the eighth week); that day I felt sharp and awake. Everything feels very up and down at the moment. Cyclical patterns—in weather, body, relationships—feel particularly pronounced. I’m going to break some to feel new again.In the StudioI went half-batty the past few weeks locked in eye-wateringly tedious labor. So tedious that I broke my rule of no background tv1 while working.A test sheet for background texture: a lot of work for something i might discard?…