#58 | eyes eyes eyes

she still has some items that belong to me—at least, I think she does. they could be in a landfill or a secondhand shop by now. more likely they are in a box at the back of her closet. a swimsuit, a shirt, a favorite bra, a leather jacket. last wednesday I finally worked up the guts to make it known via email that I would like them back soon. I mean, I want to swim in something that isn't biker shorts! it's summer! it felt good to be honest about my needs, regardless of whether they'll be fulfilled. my therapist and friends have said that reaching out is only a good idea if my heart is prepared for whatever comes back from the void. it is. I added a quick line about wanting to catch up if she feels up for it and hit send and walked away from the computer, fully aware that she was traveling and might never respond. I've tried to avoid doing drugs when I'm emotional and for the most part have succeeded, but in the days after hitting send, I took an eraser to the brain and smudged it up.…