135 - a million and one

you make a million decisions in the course of your life, and you'll forget most of them. as i set out to write this, at 4am, it feels very important. that's why i've made the decision to write it. it feels important because it is 4am, because i am a dramatic and idealisitic poet at heart, and because i've been reading a fantasy book about gods and faith and the end of the world, so everything feels a bit portentious. did i decide to be awake at 4am, reading? not really. some things just happen, with no conscious decision ever being made. sometimes the decisions aren't made in your mind, but in your body, your nervous system. nobody chooses to have a panic attack. nobody chooses to fall in love. but you can decide what you do after those things. you can decide whether or not to put yourself in a position where they're likely to happen again. i make a lot of decisions that seem momentous at the time (often at 4am). decisions about changing things, reigniting hobbies or friendships,…