When is it OK for me to Give up?

I've felt like shit for the past ~12 months and not always for the same reason I've had periods of time in my past where I felt terrible but never for this long and never where I've been left feeling like I've tried everything I can and given up I'm just so fucking tired at this point I struggle think of how my life makes anyone else's happier but I still feel forced to breathe for the sake of others If there's bravery in living life honestly then am I a coward for fearing death? Not due to some belief of the afterlife, worry about pain or chance of regret but simply a fear that my sudden absence will be more inconvenient than my uncomfortable existence ever will I long for a cult-like existence One where my inevitable suffering has meaning and the absence of a solution (permanent or temporary) is not seen as a failure