Intent but not intention / 合宿 / 顔色

Give me a little more credit. Big clouds, wave skimming with easy light. You don’t let me finish my thought. You don’t let me process the feeling. Telling Alvin I’m trying. Feeling lost. Streaks on my calves from the knee-high grass, pebbles under my nails from the charcoal in the sand. Flashlights, dark sides, crossing the road to the wettish purple against the rocky cliffside. Performing for an audience and selling it, until I don’t. Choosing you, over and over, until you won’t. Soaked through my shirt, in different formulations. Crying on the train, because I’m happy. Fluid blisters on both big toes, under the skin. Sorting through a bag of fireworks on the front steps. Laughing out loud as they explode, briefly explore the columns, and then die. Overexerted, overtested blades of light, their spluttering waking up the shades of heaven. Four meals, cold-hearted. Can’t find a balance. Don’t want one. Pale, sparse cornflower blue from the windows, and there it is, dreamless, seamless,…