i don't want to do everything alone anymore

It suddenly occurred to me today that it's actually pretty strange to strive to do most things by myself in an overly independent way. I have this romantic idea about solitude and independence. That it's this perfect state of being where I can be my true self and thrive. A thought that I am not quite a whole enough person to deserve being around others. An easy way to not feel like a burden to anyone or feel like I will let anyone down. A kind of shame and embarrassment that I treat with self-punishment. That I don't need people and groups to do cool and day-to-day things and I incorrectly feel so chuffed with myself for that. Or the thought that I can find everything I need within myself, or through research, failure, copying others, experimentation, or a long dead reddit thread. I feel like I have missed the entire point of being comfortable alone or being able to do things by myself. Every moment where I have felt accomplished, content, or genuinely grown is when I have been around…