Groundhog

I have a question. We have a groundhog. That is my question. At first we found it charming and cute. Groundhogs ARE so cute. They’re so fat and sleek and waddley! And our yard has foxes and raccoons and songbirds and squirrels and chipmunks and hawks, and sometimes deer and skunks and turkeys and owls, and on one memorable occasion bears—so why not groundhogs? Well. Because this groundhog can’t be reasonable. Two burrow entrances, three, FOUR—we still found it charming: we’re not prissy about our lawn. But then a crater a meter across and almost as deep, right in the center of our lawn, with a fifth (that we know of) entrance. My dude. But what to do. Paul researched it through a wildlife preservation/rehabilitation site, which gave links to places that would relocate a groundhog safely and humanely. He has called all four. One has not returned any of his emails or calls. Another, it turns out, has relocated themselves safely and humanely to another state. The other two were like, WHO…