explaining myself through stories

i fall back into stories because i don't know any other way to explain myself. stories convey the sense of “there is more here than i can say aloud”. you don’t expect to start a story halfway through and understand the nuance. you see an image from a movie and you don’t say “what does it mean”, you say “what is it from”? this is from In Stars And Time and Carrie and 17776 and a photo of me standing on the shore of Onondaga Lake Park. it doesn't mean one thing. it means all those things. i can't explain them all or i'd spend the whole post explaining and not get to my point. this is why i like stories. you have an intuition that you need to understand the whole, not just the parts. i am Justice of Toren One Var. not literally -- Justice of Toren only exists in stories, and even in stories there is nothing left of her and she is dead dead dead and there is only Breq, with her half-healed leg and her ancillary implants and her hopeless devotion to the people around her. but i think, i…