Keep Your Customers

As someone whose world would readily blur into pixel art rendition without nearest-neighbor scaling the moment the glasses slip from the bridge of their nose, my eternal nemesis is 'modern' online KYC (Know Your Customers) procedures routinely employed in financial apps. Doing anything in my banking apps seemingly involve some kind of selfie recordings with bizarre instructions written in tiny fonts while they insist on REMOVING my glasses. Instructions I could NOT read without squinting, but they want me to open my eyes too. Every single time my dignity is reduced to jumping around in my room like a one-man circus show until one of us, me or the app, gives up. If I could somehow overcome the instruction problem, some apps refuse to complete verification unless I have the perfect even lighting and perfectly smooth even-coloured background. Do you know how difficult it is? Sunlight filters through the windows in patches, my indoor lightings cast odd shadows on the floor, and I can't…