mistakes were made

“Sorry,” I said to the cashier, “it’s my first day… outside. They finally let me out.” “SHE’S KIDDING,” my best friend shouted. “…I’m kidding,” I finally agreed. (Yes, I skeeted this.) As we walked toward the parking lot, I handed Kid a kaleidoscope. “What do you say,” Kid’s mother asked. “Thanks!” Kid chirped at me. “My pleasure,” I told Kid. “To be honest, I felt a little goofy buying just one for myself. So thank you for giving me the excuse.” Kid’s mom laughed. (“Are you buying that?” my best friend had asked me in line, horrified. “Yes, I’ve actually been meaning to buy myself one,” I’d replied to her stiffly. “Because I just lie in bed and stare at the ceiling and ruminate. Sometimes I scroll through social media. It’s not healthy. So I’ve been planning to buy one, so I can look at something else while I lie in bed and ruminate.”) Kid professed that she could walk and look through “the microscope.” “Uh,” I said. “Don’t, uh, do that.” “She’s holding my hand,” her mom assured me.…