trapped; but free

When my parents come home I want to leave the house. A deer walks over the bridge out front. My throwness really got to me today. There is something in me. The sun is setting. Doom scrolling the algorithm. The shiny brick that keeps me smitten. The techno-state is here. The slow collapse of one thing; the gradual birth of another. I can’t help but feel I am not apart of it. I am scared in times like these. ——- I have faith in God. He will keep watch over me. And I will serve Him with my works. Do not fear. Be in peace. Be in peace. ——- I tried leaving my phone downstairs. I went for a walk but as soon as I returned I grabbed it and brought it upstairs with me. I powered it off just now. 9:02pm. Let’s see how long I can go without powering it back on. I can feel the friction and the pull of the phone. The discomfort of the emotional pain, like an open wound, from living here. Trapped; but free. A psychological torture chamber. There were a lot of mosquitoes outside. My legs are covered…