(image courtesy of avogado) i know that change is the easiest way out, deep down, too. i just feel absolutely powerless at the behest of my mind, especially right now, and wish that i was strong enough to enact such change. but when change is the thing that terrifies me the most, where routine and structure are the only things that keep v feeling "safe", or "right", the days shift to become cyclical, paralysing, my mind feeling every ounce of stagnation echoing through the body and berating me for it: "you can't even rest right you're broken and don't deserve an ounce of sympathy from the people and structures you cling to and leech off of-" that constant dialogue becomes near-impossible not to internalise as both a world and as a wholistic truth about one and one's own existence. the resulting punishment one goes through, whether self-inflicted or not, feels perversely warranted. as if necessary repentance for the mind's very act of turning itself inwards and corrupting some part of…
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