Piranha (2010), or, Skeletonized Girls Gone Wild

To be clear, I wanted to see Piranha 3D. I rented it from Apple to watch on their overpriced headset, specifically hoping that I’d get the full 3D version. But for whatever reason, they only have the HD version, and I just had to imagine that all the fish and oars and motorboat props and breasts were comin’ right at me. I might very well have seen this movie before. It all seemed extremely familiar, but I still can’t tell if that’s because I saw it and completely forgot about it (entirely likely), or because every single second of the movie is doing exactly what you’d expect it to do. Whether or not I actually saw it around 2010, I’m pretty sure that I would’ve been more into it back then. It’s exactly the kind of proudly stupid, self-aware satire-of-exploitation-that-is-also-exploitation that would’ve been pure Chucknip. I would’ve likely praised how it acts as a deconstruction of horror and disaster movies, giving the audience a bunch of characters of varying degrees of likeability,…