the power of the human spirit and of community and culture is so mindbendingly powerful. you don't really understand how much this is really the case until something just absolutely devastating happens. we were all searching - for her - we mentioned it - we all did. why isn't she here to be helping us through this? she's the one who should be here, and instead we...and she's... therapy went too well this week, so maybe that made it feel doubly awful. i shouldn't internalize it. it's not my fault - it's not my fault. and yet ... well. i've been having some strange thoughts about my own spirituality this week. maybe it's a way to not think about my own mortality. c'est la vie. [2026-06-12 11:45:35 PM] you know....come to think of it, i've never.... ah...there's a lot of things ive never done. there's a lot of things i'd like to do. isn't it just crazy how mcuh can just go wrong so quickly? you can't even imagine something like this happening. how do you conceive of it. so many things in…
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