sometimes you get stuck in a sinkhole for a few years

Kitty Kielland, Peat Bog at Jæren, 1901You can get stuck in these ways of thinking that are antithetical to your flourishing. They’re sinkholes, gravity wells. There’s this meme floating around that as children we believe quicksand is a much bigger component of life than it actually is. Adult life has taught me that while literal quicksand isn’t around that much, metaphorical quicksand is everywhere. It’s so easy to dismiss other people’s traps. We look at someone who falls into a weird cult or stays with an abusive boyfriend and think, That could never happen to me. But it could, and it probably has—it’s just likely less dramatic. One hard-won piece of knowledge: if you’re in an unhappy relationship, it’s probably because you’re doing something wrong. Yes, it’s your fault, just as you suspected. Even if you aren’t actually doing something wrong, you at least chose the person. But often the way to get out of it is to go the opposite direction. Instead of doing more of what you’re…