being only one person's type

weather: 🌤️ damp critters: party people it's a little scary being in a long term relationship and knowing that nobody else thinks i'm appealing. not that i'm on the creep for a different guy--i only love the one, and if he leaves me i will not love again. but there's always the fear that he'll be through with me tomorrow and, among other things i would lose, the only person who thinks i'm beautiful will be gone almost anyone can achieve "fuckable" at least once. above the boring facts of fuckably-arranged meat, it's very different to be apprehended as a kind of artwork talking about this kind of thing at my stately age is grossly insecure. i don't have any excuse but my upbringing. why should "hot" matter in any context? i guess growing up in southern california can make that a priority in a kid's mind. it's hard to shake off even in middle age. and if you're gay and not hot, people never like you as much sometimes i wonder if pretty privilege is amplified in queer culture. being ugly…