Sunday night, alone in my head. I'm in one of those moods: melancholic, missing something I'm never going to get back. The last time I wrote about it was two years ago, but I guess we're back here again. It's time to leave again. Soon I have to pack up my college life and move on. To be honest, I'm downright terrified of entering med school. Everyone says awful things about it—the workload, the power dynamics, the cost, everything. I've never felt ready for anything in my life, and I'm unfortunately not going to start now. I read something recently about how ready isn't a feeling, but a decision. I hope that's true. Sometimes I feel like I'm standing on the cusp of the rest of my life. Sometimes I feel like I'm staring into the end of it. I know that's melodramatic and silly, and that from this narrow all-or-nothing viewpoint the world will open wide for me the way it always has, but that's just what it feels like right now. Is it like that for everyone? I'm so scared of losing myself…
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