Your brain is an asshole.

I'm supposed to be slightly vertically inverted right now, sporting blue shades like a three dollar Bono. My mouth pried open, completely numb, with fingers and tools occupying what little space is available because the hinge of the human jaw has its limitations. But I'm off the hook, for now, because I have an active gag reflex that makes such procedures impossible. I was fine all day, but as soon as t-minus one hour, guess whose anxiety started flipping the gag reflex switch. So that's fun. A generous reminder of high school days, when just about everything tripped my anxiety, which turned into violent coughing followed by violent choking and tears streaming down my face.I called an audible and we're going to reschedule. The dentist remarked that salt usually does the trick but doesn't think that's going to help my condition. To which I replied, "come again?" Turns out that when patients go into reflex, the dentist sprinkles salt on the tongue, which calms it down. Which makes me…