write in distancing second person, remain disgusted by your words. work as much as you can performing your menial busywork without aim or understanding. live every day in pursuit of a tomorrow that will never come, not at this rate anyway. answer questions of "what do you need from me?" in vague and unsatisfying terms, or not at all. recognise that people ask very little of you, or nothing at all: decide even that is unbearable. resolve to do things differently next time, even while "this time" hasn't ended. ask what you did in a past life to deserve this in both orientations. recall that long ago you rejected the option to leave a handsome corpse: settle for whatever remains. resent your inherent flair for the dramatic and feel nausea wash over you at the sight of the shape your words take.
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