reflections on my obituary

I work in a field which is very sensitive to geopolitics, and as a consequence of the world flipping upside down again, the few days a week I am able to be paid for were further reduced. In my weary anger, I vowed to pursue a career change. How can a person live like this? The strategy was simple, see what role I would like to do, and chase it down. Afterwards, I can sell my soul to a for-profit, and make big bucks. As I ground through self-learning courses, it became evident (multiple times) that there is a critical difference between enjoying a subject, and wanting to make a career out of it. Three "roles" later, months were passing and I was still in the same situation. The word demoralisation does not fully encapsulate my feelings. I felt shame, disappointment, frustration, and anger. Inside me there were two wolves: one, who does not want to be a capitalist's pawn, and two, one that understands that without some bending-over, we cannot achieve financial security. It quickly…