just keep swimming

I am exceptionally sad this morning. It’s not even morning. I slept from 6pm to 11am. I’ve been awake for a few hours but when I woke up all I wanted to do was go back to sleep. The dream world is more exciting and less embarrassing. Things feel possible there. I don’t feel like such a loser there. I have agency there. I think I might be an incel. My YouTube algorithm has started showing me this race war rage bait stuff. I downloaded instagram the other day and it was also showing me rage bait race war stuff. I don’t know if it is algorithmic rage baiting or a psyop. It’s probably both. I deleted instagram and probably need to stay off YouTube for a while. Touch grass as they say. I do know I feel like shit. I guess writing is helping me feel a bit better. My friend wants to host a tennis tournament fundraiser. He asked me today what charity we should pick to be the recipient of the funds. Fuck dude. I need to be the recipient of the funds lol. I didn’t say that but I felt that. I…