spread out into a cloud of static buzzing particles, i am the female incel, the forever cringe white knight, i am never cruel

consider me to be groaning and lazily rolling out of my pile of sheets i call a bed to write this transmission, dearest reader. i am depressed. it has officially been like... a whole month since i left my abusive relationship of 8 years. 8 fucking years!!! ughhhrhghhh.. and it still hurts quite badly. i still am waiting for him to come and get me, to apologize, to tell me he loves me, wants to work on things.... but i know logically that day will never come. he already has replaced me with another girl, apparently. 3 individuals have reported seeing him with her. i dont know her name, who she is, or anything. just that there is a hole in my chest now, where my heart used to be. it seems as if it was so easy for him to simply leave me behind, sever the line that connected us somehow. was it ever even there...? or did i fully imagine this so-called "love"...? i will probably never know. i miss him. why? i shouldn't miss misery. i suppose i miss a version of him that truthfully, i havent…