🐩 Rapturous Love Apocalyptic Dog-Sitting Service

Christian dog-owners! You know it’s the end times because you can read the signsso clearly laid out in Revelations. Until the Rapture your loving and loyal petwill surely bring you earthly comfort. But who will tend their soulless souls once Left Behind?You can’t take man’s best friend through those pearly gates, but you can resteasy knowing your sweet puppy is in the land of milk and honey and without a doubtwill be loved and cared for by nice-enough non believers whose experience you can trust.Any moment now you will be called up to Heaven by trumpets, you who have put your trustin Him. Even so, come down to Rapturous Love Apocalyptic Dog-Sitting Service and signup for our care package! The time is nigh, and the prophecies as you interpret them are doubt-lessly correct. So as God cares for the sparrows of the field, grant us stewardship over your pet.We are tirelessly committed to eschewing salvation so we can tend to your dog for the restOf earthly time–walking around lakes of fire…