'An Emotion I Must Have Been Inventing'

“I am a nostalgist. More susceptible to the pull of the past than many of those around me, I am also aware of my condition, even somewhat ashamed of it.” Rarely does someone speak so precisely for me. Boris Dralyuk is writing in “On Nostalgia: Ever Cleaner, Ever More Pillowy.” Few states leave me as conflicted as nostalgia. Every day my thoughts turn to the past. It’s as involuntary as a heart attack. Is this associated with aging? Of course. Nostalgia is misunderstood as a wish to return to the past or at least flee from the present. That’s not my desire. In fact, nostalgia is made more piercingly bittersweet by the knowledge that you can’t return, that even the sweetest, most vivid memory is a dream. In 1968, in a mall bookstore, I bought three Washington Square Press paperbacks in a series devoted to Great American Thinkers: John Dewey, Thorstein Veblen and George Santayana (75¢ each). The first two I quickly discarded. They had nothing for me and still don’t. I was learning from…