Good Reason to Kill #79: Disputed Seating at Kindergarten Graduation

“A kindergarten graduation turned violent today” were the first words of this report from WTVG about a May 21 incident at Queen of Apostles School in Toledo, Ohio. At least a dozen people, all chronologically adult, ended up in a brawl after being unable to resolve a dispute over seating for the ceremony. One woman was arrested and charged with “felonious assault” for allegedly grabbing another woman by the hair and banging her head into a chair. The loser of that exchange needed stitches, according to the report. Thankfully, no children were harmed, and no serious injuries were reported and certainly no deaths. As we’ve discussed before, the name of this category is to be understood sarcastically, not literally. If you wish further elaboration, you can find it at the beginning of prior installments. See, e.g., “Good Reason to Kill #78: Ate the Last Hot Pocket” (May 30, 2023); “Good Reason to Kill #77: Summoned Bigfoot to Kill You First” (July 13, 2022). Okay, that last one did…