having difficulty relaxmaxxing

i am irritable today. i am listening to some pick up artist dude on youtube. I binge ate today. I am angry today. i switched the video about maintaining frame to a comedian interviewing an archologist. i am tired today. i am sad. i bought zonnics for the first time the other day. I've been popping them non stop the past few days. i think they might be leading to the irritability. i skipped my workout yesterday. it's looking like i am going to skip it again today. tomorrow i am going to meet my friend to go for a run. i hope. i feel like a loser today. yesterday we did a podcast were we interviewed a friend's dad. He talked about suicide and depression and recovery. not killing youself is kind of hard to do sometimes. it's kind of hard to stay positive at times. it's kind of hard to be the cheerful one at times. i feel like i am kind of dying. maybe i already have. maybe it's all over. maybe. maybe. maybe i am just feeling down. and that's ok. it's ok to be down. it's ok to be no ok.…