A Commencement Address

Members of the Class of 2026:As I stand before you today, preparing to deliver your commencement address, I am reminded of the advice I once received from a very wise man.“Dave,” he told me. “If you ever have to deliver a commencement address, make sure you go to the bathroom ahead of time.”I wish I had remembered that advice 45 minutes ago, before I put on this rental graduation gown. Because right now my bladder is approaching Defcon One, if you know what I mean. What I mean is, the surrounding organs are cowering in fear. So I will keep this brief. I may sprint off the stage in mid-sentence.I will begin, as is customary in commencement addresses, with a joke or humorous story that sets a lighthearted tone yet serves to impart a meaningful lesson. A man goes to see his doctor, who runs some tests and says, “I’m afraid I have bad news. You have a rare disease that is extremely contagious and is almost always fatal.” The man says, “Ohmigod! What are you going to do?” The doctor says,…