Just Fucking Use Go

Hey, dipshit. You know what compiles in two seconds, deploys as a single binary, and doesn't shit itself when a transitive dependency gets yanked from npm at 3am? Go. The same way HTML has been sitting there since the dawn of the goddamn internet waiting for you to stop overcomplicating the frontend, Go has been sitting there for over a decade waiting for you to stop overcomplicating the backend. But no. You're out there gluing together fifteen Node packages, three TypeScript build tools, and a Kubernetes cluster to serve a fucking form. You hired a Platform Team to babysit your Rails monolith. You convinced your CTO that Rust was necessary for a CRUD app that does maybe forty requests a second. Congratulations, asshole. You played yourself. The language is boring on purpose You know why Go feels boring? Because it is, and that's the goddamn point. There are no decorators. No metaclasses. No macros. No traits, monads, or whatever cursed abstraction the Haskell crowd is huffing this…