today, i pondered the reality of myself

i actually do this quite often.but today, i finally asked someone else about it. it feels like something that’s hard to explain—like something you can only conceptualise if you feel the same way, you know? but, my memories feel odd to me. they don’t feel tangible. obviously, a memory isn’t tangible. you can’t touch it or hold it. you can’t put it somewhere to look at it in the real world. but like, i don’t know. i really don’t feel like there’s a better way to describe it. my memories don’t hold any weight. they don’t feel real. and i don’t necessarily mean that in a hallucinatory type of way. but more so in a, “have i ever actually existed before today” type of way. my tether to reality is never very strong, to be honest. my dreams and reality both feel real in the moment, but somehow, whichever state i’m in right now as i type this—the “awake” state feels more real? but not in any way i can really identify. and my dreams are definitely more real than my so–called “memories.” my…