On belief and why I can’t be religious

I saw a funny post earlier today where someone on twitter wondered what non-religious people do when they’re in despair. The OP asks where they go when they’re hurting, where they turn to when the pain becomes too big for them, if not a divine being? The humorous part was the reply saying “archiveofourown.org” I sent the post to my friends because it was funny, but then I got to thinking about the rhetorical question OP was asking. Where do I turn to? The simple answer is myself, I guess. I turn to myself and make my wellbeing my own responsibility. In fact, I can’t even imagine turning to a higher being for anything, not seriously anyway. I made the comment that I must not have it in me to be religious because I have never once thought about relying on a god to guide me in anything, despite the fact I am from a predominantly catholic, hispanic country. I have heard about angels and heaven and Jesus since I have reason, but I can count on one hand the times I have ever turned to a…