This is why I’m fat

My weight and my attempts to exercise have been mentioned here many times. I am more than happy to hear constructive comments and suggestions, but bear in mind that what I’m really about to discuss is my emotional habits, not the fact that I eat more than I should, and don’t move my body often enough. I’ve been weighing myself weekly since the turn of the year —to be fair, I’ve been weighing myself on a fairly regular pattern for almost three decades now— yet despite that or maybe because of that, I remain fat. I weighed myself this morning —29th April 2026— the number has gone up and my instant thought was ‘fuck it’. Like, why do I even bother? Maybe I should just accept the fact that I’m fat and leave it at that. Except I don’t want to be fat, because being fat shortens my lifespan, reduces my mobility, and means I can’t be the Dad I want to be for my son. And that is a classic (for me) fear of failure loop that sucks me in week after week after week. I want to be X, I am not X, so…