I. Got A Dang Haircut I know—I am aware—that this is not the most exciting news, but gang you do not understand, I have been trying and failing to get my fucking top cropped every weekend AND SOME WEEK-DAYS for the past month, shit was getting floppy and unmanageable but my every effort was stymied. Oh it’s Saturday but WUP we’re going to Tucson to see Mrs. Columbo’s mom1 and also discover, life-changingly, that there is a Dairy Queen there that will still sell you an Orange Julius, and in such volume that you consider investing in a CamelBack for the next visit2. Oh it is Saturday again but WELP my barbershop (a father-and-son institution) is closed for a family emergency, how mad can I be, I hope everything’s okay3. Oh cuss yeah it is Thursday and I am getting out of work early to get a massage and I’m gonna swing by and get a sweet midday-trim but BLOOP they are closed for a graduation for it is the Season, and I can either call it a game well played or swear vengeance on a damn…
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