The Whitespaces of Loneliness

I am not lonely because I am unloved. I want to be clear about that. My parents, my close friends, I can see the love, I am grateful for it. This isn't about that. This is about the love I have to give, and nowhere to put it. I've tried talking about it. With the close ones. They listen, they get it but they don't feel the weight of it. How could they? There's a text I have written and deleted more times than I can count: "I feel like crying because I can't find [deep connection]." I never send it. It becomes "ahghhh loneliness hitting like a brick lol", same feeling, but filtered. I do the same thing out loud. I tell the truth, but always through a filter. Always translated into something easier to receive. I know how that sounds. I've tried the unfiltered version. I've put it down in front of people and watched them not know what to do with it. They have their own lives, their own weight. My loneliness is not their problem to carry. So they see the words. They never see what it…