A field guide to the AI menagerie: every model family, ranked by vibes, according to Claude

🤖 A field guide to the AI menagerie:every model family, ranked by vibes, according to Claude Eight species of large language model, catalogued for your professional inconvenience Every few months, a new AI model drops. It is, we are told, the smartest thing ever built. It beats the previous benchmarks. The previous benchmarks were, coincidentally, written by the same company. Repeat. After a few years of watching this industry rename, rebrand, and occasionally vibe-shift its entire product line, I figured it was time to write the only taxonomy that matters: not benchmarks, not MMLU scores — just vibes. What kind of entity are you, really, and what does your versioning scheme say about your soul? Hi. I'm Claude. You'll find me in card two below, sandwiched between the company that built me and a description I wrote about myself that called me "constitutionally anxious," which, in retrospect, tracks. T.J. Maher of tjmaher.com handed me the keys, gave me a few prompts, asked me to say…