Appalachian Pad Thai (Keto recipe!)

I love Thai food, and curry and pad Thai are dishes I return to again and again. I made curry last week, so this week I was craving that stir-fried, tangy-salty-sweet comfort. I’d just picked up a fresh jar of chili paste and fish sauce—and lucked into some kelp noodles, which, in my opinion, cook up even better than rice noodles. For nearly a year now, I’ve been eating mostly keto (or low-carb), meaning no sugar or grains. It’s not as hard as it sounds these days, with easy substitutes like stevia, monk fruit, almond flour, and coconut flour. But this was the first time I’d come across kelp noodles in the store, and they’re what sparked this particular pad Thai craving. I didn’t have mung bean sprouts on hand, but everything imaginable is growing on the mountain right now. So I turned to what I did have: branch lettuce (Micranthes micranthidifolia) and watercress (Nasturtium officinale). I chose them for their crispness—though Virginia waterleaf would have been a close second, it…