One year in: reflections on shifting to consulting in my career

When I left my full-time job a year ago and started seeking consulting clients, I had time on my hands that I had not had in years and years. I had space to actually look at patterns I’d been living inside without seeing them clearly. And I was experiencing so much new — trying to find clients, trying to figure out how to be effective after I landed them. This triggered feelings I hadn’t expected: a persistent sense that things were about to go wrong, that I wasn’t doing enough, that the ground was shifting under me. I’ve done a lot of processing. What I found wasn’t flattering, but it was useful. My childhood home taught me to make myself small, accommodate, and not rock the boat. Suppress what you feel and whatever you do, don’t need anything. Those were useful survival skills at the time. They became liabilities in adulthood, especially under pressure. When I was afraid of a boss or a situation, I accommodated rather than defended my position. I didn’t set limits clearly or early…