It's Worse Than That, They're Dead, Jen

So Jen wants you to think our national parks are all fun and games and kayaking and snuggling baby otters and stuff. Well, we live in Florida, man! We have the Everglades where literally everything wants to kill and eat you. Or kill you and leave your body for something ELSE to eat you. But definitely with the killing thing.What, you think I'm exaggerating? THIS ALLIGATOR WANTS TO EAT YOUR FACE.That's right, a smashed cake alligator wants to kill you. It's serious down here, guys. And then there's the snakes: "Help meeeee!"Which this baker has so helpfully illustrated mid-murder. We've got poison toads: "I want you to croak." And snakes: GAAAAAAkeepscrollingkeepscrollingkeepscrolling And giant angry spiders: Who team up with killer bees... Did I mention the snakes? BECAUSE WE HAVE A LOT OF SNAKES. Not to mention the armies of squirrel-sized mosquitoes: They're very friendly. No sense of personal space. Piranhas: Seriously. And panthers. NO LION.Because of course we have panthers. Why…