showing up for my illnesses is hard

I’ve written about chronic illness being a second job before. I’m feeling it especially hard right now. I think of all the time spent in waiting rooms, all the time in appointments, the time spent getting to them and back home again. Getting referrals in time for the appointments. Inserting my insurance card at the doctor’s office or hospital once a quarter to be able to get prescriptions or referrals. Blood tests, stool tests, urine tests, MRIs, gastroscopies and colonoscopies, infusions. Ordering the meds to hopefully arrive on time. Eating a certain way not to trigger stuff. Exercising and stretching for mobility, help my bones and keep muscle mass. Injections every two weeks forever. A pill every day. Bad time? Another course of Prednisone. Pain. Rashes. Rage. Water retention. Muscle loss. Round cheeks. There’s always something to track, something new. Medication adjustment, new medication altogether, now this works against that but not for this, and so on. Breakthrough bleeding I…