Torn

I’ve been going through a lot of confusion about my beliefs lately. I was born Muslim and I’ve always known things about Islam, I even memorise parts of the Quran, but recently I don’t feel the same certainty anymore. I feel split between believing in God and not being sure He exists at all. I keep going back and forth in my mind and I don’t know what I actually believe anymore. It’s like I can’t fully commit to either side. A big part of my struggle is that I don’t agree with a lot of the rules in Islam anymore. Things like modesty, hijab, gender rules, relationships, and marriage don’t make sense to me the way they’re explained. It feels like everything is very structured and serious, and often male-centred, and I don’t understand why it has to be that way. I used to think maybe it was just culture, but now I feel like it’s deeper than that. And that makes it harder for me to dismiss my doubts. I also struggle with the idea that belief in God is required to go to paradise or avoid…