Today, I Struggled: The Reality of Caregiving and Mental Exhaustion

Today, I struggled. For 17 years, I have been managing another person’s nervous system, the two of us tethered together by an invisible tie. We are not only connected physically but emotionally as well. It’s as if we share the same nervous system, and every rise and fall either of us experiences is felt intensely by the other. Today was harder. For two weeks now, I have been trying to keep her calm and even, every moment unpredictable as we cycle through emotions: happy, sad, angry, anxious, and silly, over and over, like a hamster wheel that won’t stop spinning. Today, I struggled. I am the adult in this situation, and I know she is not in control of what is happening to her. I am her mom. It is my job to help and keep her, and everyone around her, safe through each and every moment. Today felt heavy. I am a caregiver and have been for many years. I am her mother, teacher, therapist, and nurse, all wrapped up in one person. Today, I struggled. I am tired, and I have an anxious mind.…