how much directness is too much?

Patrick Procktor, Gervase IV, acrylic on canvasI was at dinner with a longtime friend today and he casually brought up something I’d said to him a few years ago. I’d completely forgotten making the remark, and my immediate reaction was, Why would anyone say that? What I said was honest—way too honest. I think I’m generally tactful, but in certain moments I can be brutally direct. My directness irritates me. It reflects an inability to fake it that causes problems. I’ve been having conflict this week with another longtime friend. I’m mad at him and he can tell. He said, “I don’t think you like me very much right now.” And I thought: how is it that I cannot muster the basic motivation to pretend that I am okay with things as they stand, when it would make my life easier? But I just can’t. I don’t think this is a virtue. In fact, it’s almost certainly a vice. I understand that the gears of civilization are oiled by the ability to fake it. And to be clear, I can smile and nod along to a…