It's alive!

I'm an AuDHD weirdo with a wonky, beleaguering experience of community. So I've gotten very used to being only tentatively present – spectatorial, spectral even – in communal spaces, taking up as little room as I possibly can while still being technically visible, in the way that a tomato seed is visible in a salad. A little ghosty ghost. But recently (as recently as this year January), I've been taking it to heart when my friends or new acquaintances say things like, "You're not actually as awkward as you think," or "I love hanging out with you" or "You're really good at making people feel comfortable," when all my life I've had a very rigid perception of myself as Awkward, Shy, and Mangles the Vibe When I Contribute Conversation. (Yay intersection of neurodivergent social suffering and harsh Indian communities!) I'm coming to believe that I'm actually...kind of a cool person. :D I've been far more intentional in the last couple of months about not just being a spectrally little…