I was agnostic, but I was never an atheist

I remember one time, at the age of 7 I was playing outside in the basketball courtyard after school. It was a nice day, nice weather and not too hot. The question of God always lingered in my mind. I was angry at God and the World at 7, I was angry that I was told He did and then that He didn't exist. I saw how the World was such a harsh place as a child and it disillusioned me. So I doubted Him. In my questioning I asked in my head "God, if you exist... show yourself" and right at that moment I decided to lie down and look at the clouds as it was quite a cloudy day. I still don't know why I decided to lie down just at that moment. I was never made to believe in Santa or the Tooth Fairy, or any fairy tale, but then the question came of why some people believed He existed, and some didn't? Anyway, the first thing I saw is those clouds took the shape of the face of an old man. But although not a heavily bearded man, it was an old man for sure. It scared me so bad that I got up and…