i didn't quit

i decided to quit smoking on april 19 almost two months ago. i told my wife, my colleagues, my friends. the week before the 19th, i smoked all my cigarettes mindfully, knowing that i wouldn’t have this sensation soon. on april 19th, i didn’t quit. this post is now at a crossroads: i will either self-rationalize not quitting smoking by saying i have this or i have that, or self-flagellate complaining about my weak will or never-ending akrasia. i’ve been smoking since i was fifteen. it was cool, relieving and connecting. it still is. smoking is always an excuse to get out of a crowded space and look at the sky for 5 minutes. it’s always a chance to talk with a stranger just by asking “do you have a lighter?” so, why do i want to quit? i’m worried about my health. i’m thirty years old now. not like i’m old, but i’m at the age where it makes sense to think about this stuff. 30 is an opportune age to quit smoking. but it looks like april 19 was not the opportune moment. so, is this it? do…