I feel like I’m loosing touch with my religion. I’m starting to question everything. I’m stuck between I know this is the correct religion and what the fuck am I doing? I feel like I’m either a very good Muslim or I’m just someone who larps being Muslim. Like genuinely idk what to do or think. I don’t even know how to put my thoughts on paper. I can’t seem to grasp what is happening. I wanna try everything and see what I think of it. But with my environment that’s literally impossible. I hate being back from my school exchange. There I could just live day to day without any of these thoughts. Or just once in a while. Now it’s a constant reminder and presence in my mind. I believe in god. At least I think I do. But then I’m like what if he doesn’t exist. But then I’m thinking everything needs a beginning. So does all this around us. So a god must exist. But then I see what happening all around the world and how can god exist and let this all happen? But then I think about the idea of…
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I've not been religious since childhood, but what I'd want you to keep in mind is that you can be religious without believing in everything literally. You are allowed to be more secular, seeing the quran not as a literal truth, but a collection of tales with moral meanings. Personally as an atheist born in a secular christian part of the world, I've seen psalms as morals and standards in the shape of stories and tales, and I doubt the quran is any different.