Lost?

I feel like I’m loosing touch with my religion. I’m starting to question everything. I’m stuck between I know this is the correct religion and what the fuck am I doing? I feel like I’m either a very good Muslim or I’m just someone who larps being Muslim. Like genuinely idk what to do or think. I don’t even know how to put my thoughts on paper. I can’t seem to grasp what is happening. I wanna try everything and see what I think of it. But with my environment that’s literally impossible. I hate being back from my school exchange. There I could just live day to day without any of these thoughts. Or just once in a while. Now it’s a constant reminder and presence in my mind. I believe in god. At least I think I do. But then I’m like what if he doesn’t exist. But then I’m thinking everything needs a beginning. So does all this around us. So a god must exist. But then I see what happening all around the world and how can god exist and let this all happen? But then I think about the idea of…