gavin's new archaeological discovery

people say the oldest tool in the world was made for stabbing and cutting up meat but i know for a fact that this isn't true. the nature of man is not one of violence. man's nature is one of peace and creativity. today my anthropologist friend gavin showed me that the oldest tool in the world was in fact not a knife used for killing but a knife used only for whittling. the cavemen were lousy painters but phenomenal whittlers. with a sharp stone and a piece of wood, they were able to achieve a verisimilitude not seen again until the arrival of the greeks. it is a pity that none of their prehistoric whittlings have survived. wood of course is non-archival. it is certain to rot or burn or turn into dust. all dirt in the ground is really old wood. but today in the bog near my house, my archaeologist friend dredged up something incredible: a hand carved sculpture dating back to 4 million BC. we now have a copy of the oldest work of art ever made. this artifact provides us with invaluable…