Everyone who works with your kid needs you to keep paying them

When I started doing research at Harvard, I noticed that almost every family study used poor families as subjects. I assumed the funding skewed that way, but it didn’t — even race-based grants used poor families. When I asked my PI why, she explained that high-earning families almost never participate. That’s when I understood something about the research: it’s parents who are the problem in families, not children, and Institutional Review Boards don’t approve research that might destabilize a parent. So obvious parenting patterns are ignored in favor of centering solutions around the children – as if they are the problem. High-earning parents don’t sign up for studies. They pay for “parent empowerment.” That’s the word practitioners use to sell to parents who are overwhelmed and have decided something is wrong with their kids. Parent empowerment promises “families centered on gratitude,” which parents hear as “my kids will do what I tell them”. The actual work is structure and…